Rational Birthday Party Jitters
If I Used Categories This Would Fall Under "Marriage"


I have absolutely nothing to say here but a pervasive sense of agnostic guilt compels me to check in with you anyway. Actually it is true, I really do not seem to have anything to say to anyone right now. I am not even answering the phone when my mother calls, although I admit that with her the silence stems from yesterday when she implied that I was boring. I am still sulking. BORING! And you know what else? Just this afternoon I was entertaining Patrick with some delicious bon mot and he put his hands over my mouth and said, "Mommy, be silent. Silent like an E." And then I asked Steve if he thought  I was bromidic and he said "I don't know" and went back to typing an email when the correct answer would have been, "Bromidic?" If he had even cared enough to ask.

So to hell with all of them. Am I boring? It's the point people always make when they try to explain why stay-at-home mothers should be gagged and forced at gunpoint to make Gucci knock-offs so at least they are contributing something somewhere. And I assume it is what my former colleagues mean when they say "Oh my GOD I don't know HOW you do it! I would go CRAZY if I had to stay home all day with the kids." I used to be able to dismiss such one-size-fits-all foolishness with a thoughtful "Eat me" but now I am beginning to wonder if they might have a point. Apart from tedious descriptions of Patrick's nethers and the potties they adorn, what have I contributed to American Letters lately? Fuck all. And, if my mother is to be believed, apparently I am just as boring in person. So, um, look for my handiwork soon on the streets of Hong Kong.

If you stay home with children or pets or maybe a few plants, do YOU ever feel like you have little to contribute to, say, cocktail party conversation? If you work (MODIFIER: outside of the home, work OUTSIDE of the home) do you find friends and loved ones who punch the Tomy clock (Tomy is a toy manufacturer. they make a toy clock that helps kids learn how to tell analog time, although, hello, digital age anyone? the reference, then, is to stay-at-home moms and dads) a little... stultifying? Sometimes? Come on, you can tell me. My mother did and we've never been closer!

Oh, and before I forget and thank you for asking, the birthday was very sweet. I would post some pictures but Town & Country has the rights to the party for their August issue.

PS My mom hurt my feelings. I didn't mean to call her at the office with half hourly potty updates but it was all just so exciting. Ahem.