Non Linear
Gossip, Reformed

Home Of The Beaver

Beavers will slap their tails on the water to signal danger and threaten predators. In our old house we lived vertically and it was almost impossible to get the attention of someone on the first floor when you were on the third. To communicate an urgent need we would pound on the floor with our feet and at one time we likened this behavior to that of the world's largest rodent.

[Ed. note: Apparently the beaver just thinks it is the world's largest rodent, having never visited South America and gotten its tail kicked by a Capybara. We know better.]

When my brother was visiting last Fall I wanted Steve for something so I smacked my foot down on the floor a few times. Steve came hurrying up from the basement and poked his head around the door.

"Was that a beaver call?" he asked.

My brother, who is apparently 35 going on 11, laughed until he choked on a peanut M&M and asked if we needed some time alone. Guffaw.

Men are so predictable.

And speaking of predictable male behavior, I am meeting a very close friend for dinner tonight. He used to be my boss, but we sort of shelved that hierarchical nonsense on his second day of command and subsequently got on like a house on fire. We haven't worked together in years and he has changed companies in the meantime but we try to see each other every two months or so. His wife, unfortunately, is not so wild about me or we would see them more often, I think. They live nearby and have a son younger than Patrick and a four year old daughter.

This weekend I got a frantic email from him, an electronic beaver distress call, saying we absolutely positively needed to see each other - STAT. He then called twice, which is unprecedented.

[Gossip deleted, but I might be willing to email you the missing paragraphs.]