Things I Would Change - v.1
Nothing Could Be Finer


* We are going to North Carolina tomorrow. I am dreading it. I actually dread most things and have since I was a child. My mother likes to describe how different my brother and I are by using a summer camp example.

My brother would depart for summer camp saying, "This is going to be great! I am going to make a ton of friends and I will learn how to sail and we are going to go swimming every day and I'll bet I'll win all of the prizes for everything!"

I would contemplate summer camp like this, "Nooooooooooooooooooooo! Don't make me Goooooooooo! Everyone will hate me and I won't care because they will all be boring anyway and the food will be horrendous and how, pray tell, do you expect me to use, you know, the ladies' room with all of those people around?"

From which you can infer that I was a little prig and I only went to camp once. For a week. And I hated it. Now I like to tell stupid spoiled rich Steve (who grew up with a pony, I kid you not, and a pool, for fucks sake and probably a pool just for the pony to use) that camp is where people send their children when they don't like them. He looks lovingly at his camp archery badges and says nothing.

Anyway, tomorrow morning we leave to spend the weekend with Steve's business partner and his wife at their place in North Carolina. I have never met these people. They are going to hate me and the food will be horrendous and they won't have any wine just bourbon and I can't drink bourbon anymore and Patrick will spend two days throwing food on their expensive rugs and not sleeping.

* My doctor's assistant called today to let me know that one of my moles was normal. The other was precancerous, so stay out of the sun and keep an eye on the crater. The way she said it was bizarre, "It's PRE- cancerous!" Like, Congratulations!