Last week'ish Steve picked up a computer virus. An adware trojan, to be specific. It commandeered Steve's homepage and changed all of his web searches and popped up bad porn every five minutes. I really and truly do not understand the marketing rationale behind this kind of programming. Someone pays somebody for this service and yet how could they ever recoup the cost? Even if one happened to be desperately in need of pornography and even if the pornography that kept appearing was specifically geared to one's unusual and nuanced fetish... one would still never ever pay to see more of the stuff because the fucking bastards who are offering it have just hijacked your computer. I think it is possible to annoy customers and still keep them (case in point: our insurance company is staffed by half-witted bottom-feeders and yet their premiums are just so reasonable I cannot give them the axe) but it is not possible to simultaneously plunge a consumer into white-hot murderous rage and sell them anything.
The process of removing this trojan still haunts my dreams. Stupid McAfee threw up its little bytes in despair after tentatively suggesting that there might be a virus somewhere and then declaring the situation was utterly utterly hopeless. I finally went into the registry and hacked out the offending files by hand BUT as soon as I rebooted it started all over again. Over and over and over I did this. Apparently the trojan created not one but two executable files and when one was deleted the other one would automatically create it again. Like I said, BASTARDS. It took eight hours and a trip to the computer store to finally set things right and the solution, in case you are experiencing similar angst, was Panda Platinum. I am more than a little in love with this virus software. For starters, I have had McAfee's installed for two years and yet when I changed to Panda I learned that I had not one but two versions of the My Doom worm on my computer. Seriously. But Panda.... so efficient. So comprehensive. And the logo - darling. Just like little Butterstick at the National Zoo.
However, and here is where I get to the point, it created a firewall on both my computer and Steve's that brought our wee home network to its knees. I am sure there is a way around it but at press time I have yet to make even a dent. Apart from the blow to my pride (I created this network; how dare it snub me?) this is a problem because Steve's computer has the media card reader and therefore holds the digital pictures of the bedroom I had planned on asking for your help with today. I suggested that Steve let me type this on his computer, perhaps while he came out of his office and cleaned the kitchen, but he said something about "Work... blah blek... wage earner... something something... get out." Not very cooperative, not much a team player I am afraid.
So, for now, my home decor issues must go unresolved. Pity.
Speaking of computers and cool software (as I am thinking about it) I just started a little project that is making me quite happy. For, oh, about 15 years I had a friend who made me exquisite mix tapes (clarification: I still have the friend, I think, unless he died- HELLO? Did you die?- but he no longer makes me tapes. or even CDs.) As we moved this big chest-like thing from the living room to the basement to make room for the soon-to-be-arriving bar cabinet (wait until you see this bar cabinet- it's gorgeous. oh damn it! I can't post pictures! must rectify that...) I emptied the chest-like thing of its contents. For the most part it was filled with my less portable music (vinyl, kiddies, VINYL) and my more fragile music (the cassettes.) I thought about what a pity it was that I am now afraid to touch these things and how nice it would be to convert them to something more usable and how hard could that be, really? After a few false starts (one problem with creating digital files from vinyl or cassette is that the song breaks cannot be recognized, so your mix tape becomes one 80 minute track on CD) I successfully burned my first CD last night - with individual tracks. I squealed and clapped and congratulated myself enthusiasticaly. I don't know about the universality of the desire to create digital files from old music so I will not get into the details, unless you want to know. In which case just ask. And I will tell you.
Final (knock wood) ultrasound this afternoon. I shall report back. I actually started SPOTTING this morning, which I take as an encouraging sign. I just wrote to someone that I hope the Miscarriage Bunny pays a visit to my house very soon and lo and behold.... (knock wood again.) We'll see.