So, well, yes. And thank you.
The only times in the past that we have found out the sex have been by accident, and I always wanted to chew my ears off after I heard it. I can understand how you might take consolation in knowing, how there might be something peaceful in that knowledge, but it always just seems to make me sadder. Sadder-er.
And yeah, oh my god, how about that unbalanced rearrangement of chromosomes one and four, huh? Come on, everybody in unison now, on my three.
1... 2... 3...
The "Fuck" heard round the world.
As I said to my OB, but... but... we could have gotten that particularly abnormal embryo at home for FREE. We don't have to ride on a plane or spend $20 grand, we've got the whole World's fucking Fair of mutations right in our own backyard.
I faxed the results off to Shady Shady with the mem. that I am now ready to talk to the good doctor. It seemed pointless to discuss anything with him until we knew the cause of death (was it drowning as we had first suspected? why no! genetic roulette, again, of course) so I did not call him back after the last ultrasound. Actually, it still seems pointless to talk to him since we will not be high-tailing it back to DC anytime soon, but I don't want him to think I am sulking. I mean, he DID tell us that there was a 1 in 10 chance that an embryo can test normal but be abnormal. Fair's fair.
On the bright side at least we don't have some totally new thing to worry about. It is beyond irksome to contemplate how utterly and completely wasteful that IVF cycle was for us, but what if the embryo had been normal and still died? Can you imagine?? [I am sure many of you can easily imagine just that and I am so so sorry] I would have evaporated with pain and frustration, really I would have.
This is the devil we know and while we don't like it, we have definitely learned to live with it. It gets a stocking at Christmas and when you call our home the answering machine says "You have reached Steve, Julia, Patrick and the dread demon Genetrion. Please leave a message." Beep.
Right, so, that's the bright side.
There is also a New Plan.
Namely: 1) as soon as I start a new cycle I will get (do? have?) a sonohystereoscopy to make sure that the last D&C left my uterus in the pristine condition in which it was found; and 2) we did a kick-ass antibodies panel yesterday to rule out all sorts of obscure blood conditions that cause recurrent miscarriage (ELEVEN vials of blood, I thank you.) Although it would be unlikely for the embryo to have been offed by both the unbalanced translocation and something else, just look at Rasputin.
What? Oh, legend has it that Rasputin was first given enough arsenic to kill an elephant. When that failed to do anything permanent, his assassins stabbed him repeatedly. Then they threw him into the river in which he was finally drowned (speaking of drowning.) So, I guess it happens.
Anyway, my new RE (I have a new RE. We met her on Monday. She is so local she practically lives in our basement. In fact, we might just invite her to do so.) asked for the panel and the sonohystereoscopy (SURELY there is an acronym for this?) to rule out any other issues before we move on to... something! What exactly is still TBD (Ha! acronyms in da house!)
I made a suggestion. She made a suggestion. We agreed to further testing and then we will reconvene after I start a new cycle.
So, yay! Onward! Upward! Never Backwards! And always twirling, twirling....
If you are wondering why we are going to try anything, at all, ever again, when clearly we are just not meant to have any more children (one of these days you bad apples are going to make me take down that email link, aren't you?) you can blow me. If you are pleased that I seem to be in better spirits, well, yes, I am, thank you. I just needed to spin the genetic results a bit before I could get all chirpy about them.
Tomorrow night we are flying South for a few days. Last time we made this trip we wound up drinking moonshine. MOONSHINE, I tell you. *chortle*
Oh, and I just asked my brother this question tonight when he was being nice to me and I was becomingly modest: do you think you can consciously choose to be happy?
I'll tell you what he and I concluded before we go. And I have no idea why there are so many paranthetical thoughts in this post.