Well, THAT Was Fun

No heartbeat today.

If you like we can take a moment and study our nails and think about how nice it would have been to have this all work out somehow. Who doesn't like a good miracle? Wouldn't it have been lovely if this blog could have become a googlicious beacon of hope for the hopeless instead of the scary scary swamp of pregnancy horror it is?

Every time I see another pregnancy-related Internet search has brought someone here I want to scream: Noooooooooooo! Stay AWAY! Nothing to see here!

Search term: "hcg not doubling"             My experience: Miscarriage

Search term: "heartbeat slow"               My experience: Miscarriage

Search term: "IVF with PGD"                  My experience: Miscarriage

Search term: "hcg quadrupling"              My experience: Twins! But miscarriage

Search term: "heartbeat 6 weeks"          My experience: Miscarriage

Search term: "heartbeat 7 weeks"          My experience: Miscarriage

Search term: "heartbeat 11 weeks"        My experience: Miscarriage

Sorry, I am feeling a little gloomy, a little fatalistic. I am even, dare I say it, feeling a little sorry for myself.

Anyway, I just got back and wanted to let you know what the deal is. Now I am going to finish cleaning the bathrooms (my in-laws are coming! tomorrow! for a long weekend!) and then Steve and Patrick and I are going out to dinner. I will drink wine. I will eat dangerous cheeses. And when the sommelier approaches and asks, "Will madam care for an ass-shot of progesterone in oil this evening?" Madam will respond with an empathic no.

I'll be back tomorrow and tell you what my plan is for future reproduction. Also, what colors we are painting the basement. Perhaps I will share what occurred the other day that prompted Patrick to say, with perfect enunciation, "What the hell is going on in here?" Lots of good stuff.

Thanks so much for caring. Thanks for checking on me.