Why I Will Have A Headache Tomorrow

It's 6:22. Do You Know Where Your Child Is?

It is possible (although, let's be honest, not bloody likely) that Patrick woke up this morning at 5:20 for some reason other than the fact that Steve left his (Ed. -his meaning Patrick's) bedroom light on all night. Whether he was merely exhibiting a vagary of toddlerhood by waking up two hours early or, as I assert, was the victim of half-assed and neglectful bedtime parenting is beside the point, what matters is that he did indeed wake up at 5:20 and he notified me of this fact by screaming at the top of his lungs. This caused me to bolt upright from a dead sleep and run upstairs, where I found him sitting in a bedroom so flooded with light it could have been situated on the surface of the sun.

"Whoa," I said, shielding my eyes.

And the poorly fathered baby whimpered and put his arms up and said, "Go sleep in the guest bed with Mommy?" and I said, "Uh-huh" and hauled him and Bear down the hall to the guest bedroom.

I was tricked, of course. By the time I drug the coverless duvet over from the window seat and got the three of us nicely snuggled on the mattress pad (apparently I moved the sheets and pillow cases to the laundry room yesterday- how efficient I am!) Patrick was wide-awake.

"It's a bright sunny morning," he chirped, pointing out the window at a gray, fish-fingered dawn.

"No, no," I whispered, "it is not morning yet. Go to sleep."

"OH! 5 2 5!" he said, looking at the digital clock.



"5 2 6!" bleated Patrick

"Yes," I mumbled, "it is 5:26. But morning doesn't start until 7:00, ok? When the clock says seven oh oh we can get up."

"5 2 7! 5 2 8! Look Mommy! It's a nine now! What do nine and nine make? Bear needs to be under the blanket! It's a bright sunny morning! That's your nose. That's Bear's nose! Five three oh! Fifty three! Thirty! Oh! We have to wait. Wait until seven oh oh. Where's Daddy? 5 3 1! Mommy it is five three one now..."

And so on, and on, until 7:00, when we went downstairs. And discovered Steve in his office, drinking tea and looking breakfast-ed.

He looked surprised. "Were you upstairs? I've been up since 5:45, for some reason. I couldn't sleep any more. I got in the hot tub. Very relaxing."

"Five forty five!" agreed Patrick.

I dropped the child on his lap. And I went to my own bed- all alone. And slept until nine.

It was divine.